To my first baby. The first being I had to care for other than myself. The first puppy who I could call my own. I look at you now and my heart breaks. Daddy tells me that you aren’t old but when I watch you get up- it’s slower, I notice those puppy bursts are becoming less frequent and the worst is that those big brown eyes are a bit more tired.
I worry about you all the time- everyone tells me that I need to RELAX and what will happen when we have kids? But I worry, I know you love the car but it’s getting harder for you to jump up. I just can’t take the thought of your body failing you and that you can’t tell me what hurts. You wait by the couch for us to lay down and you keep us company there. I just naturally drop my hand to reach for you. To pet you. To kiss the top of your head.
I have to remember to be present. When you nudge me to pet you but I’m too busy checking my Instagram or watching my SnapChat- I forget. It isn’t until you give up on getting some lovin’ that my heart hurts. I can’t tell you with my words how much you mean to me. You can’t like my status updates on your birthday or re-watch the videos I take of you. My actions towards you are the only love you know. I would cradle you in my arms forever if that’s what it took to make you feel better. I’d do that for you, I hope you know that. I hope my actions are enough for you to live the best life.
You have always been there for me. You’re the best boy- the most lovable dog I ever had. I remember (because Donnie doesn’t let me forget) how I wanted your brother initially but because he’s always right we got you instead. Everyone who meets you instantly falls in love with the big polar bear.
You are always by my side first thing in the morning, wagging your tail, waiting to get your morning hug. You might be the happiest, most loyal dog I’ve ever met and I love you for it.
I’m sorry the thunder scares you and the fireworks seem like they’ll never end but I promise we will always do what we can to make you feel safe. I know that you hate going to the groomer and the vet scares you but it’s for the best. I will always be there to make sure it’ll be alright.
I know your hips ache and your body is getting old, but it still makes me happy when you start wagging your tail and put a big puppy smile on your face. And for that split second it makes me feel like you’re still that baby we brought home 7 years ago.
I know my camera is always in your face and I constantly am hugging you but I like watching you because I don’t know how much longer we’ll have. I want you to be the big brother to our children and I want you to see the home that we dream of building but I know that won’t happen. I can see it in the way you sigh and look at me. I hate thinking about it but I want to make every moment of your life happy.
Watching you grow old is one of the most painful things and it’s breaking my heart, but at least I know you had a good life when you became part of mine. I will sit by your side through every breath you take, my arms around you- like we’ve always done.
I know you can’t read this and you probably will never understand how much you mean to me, but I want you to know you’re so loved and I’m so thankful for you in my life. I won’t let a day go by where I don’t show you how much you mean to me because you’ve shown me love all this time.
You’re my best friend and I cry as I write this ode to you but I know that you’re only here for a short time. You put such an imprint on our family that will last a lifetime. Thank you for all of your love, your nudges and your cuddles. I never knew I needed this from you but it’s all I could ask for. Thanks bubba. You’re a good boy.