1. Never, ever, ever drink when sad
There is nothing worse then taking care of the friend all night who wanted to take her feelings out on a bottle of Tequila. I made a promise to myself when I was in college that I would NEVER drink when I was sad or upset. It only leads to bad things, mostly crying on a floor that you can contract Hep B from. So ladies AND gents, don’t go out and drink if he broke your heart. You’ll just end up drunk dialing him anyway which you don’t want to do… Plus we need to learn to face our emotions and learn to communicate. We had behind technology and alcohol to share our feelings. So instead get out the SATC series and let the girls night commence.
2. You are NOT a Millionaire
You are not Oprah so stop giving people free shit. My best friend in this entire world would love to buy everyone shots of Patrone on her credit card to end every night, girlfriend is BROKE. We were in college and our main source of income was from the slave labor we had to do during work study. My check on average was $50 and I would chose to buy shoes over groceries. There is nothing worse then seeing the timeline of last night through your bank statement. “Oh look this must have been the time where I bought the entire round in celebration of it being Friday….”. So take cash with you, only a set amount and give your card to someone trusted!
3. I may think I look like Gisele but I don’t, I just look like a drunker me..
Your hair is flawless, your makeup is perfection, you could not look any more fierce so you take a selfie! You throw a cute message in with it and send it off to your man. Until the next morning, that picture was not even a blip on your radar, until you see it with sober eyes. There is a whole montage of you and your girls looking (at the time) hot. Oh but honey you couldn’t be more wrong. The red lipstick you thought was a good idea is now smeared all over your face looking somewhat like The Joker. And your one eye is somewhat closed, I’m sure that was you smiling with your eyes, but that last shot outweighed your sex appeal. So remember, you are drunk and no filter will hide that…
4. What you do tonight will affect you in the morning
Never get so drunk you can’t walk or form sentences, it’s really not a cute look on you sweetie. This is a rule for all ages because I think we sometimes forget that this is NOT an acceptable way to act. There are so many times where we blame it on the alcohol. If you do that you probably aren’t mature enough to drink, or be out in public with the rest of society. Whoever you text/ talk to/ Snapchat- will more then likely remember it… So even if you pull the whole “delete my night” those people still know the hot mess you become!
5. Your outfit
If you can’t walk in your shoes sober there is no way you are walking in them after your 3rd tequila shot. Dress for you, dress to get all dolled up, dress to feel pretty but make sure you feel comfortable! Now 5 inch heels aren’t on my list of comfort shoes but we all have those heels that are so much easier to walk in then others. So if you know you’re going out in the city, prepare for the night ahead! Don’t wear a dress you’ll have to pull down every 3 steps because after so many drinks you just won’t care and your tush will be out for the world to see and Instagram too. Make sure your clothes and shoes fit and feel good when you are sober. I don’t know how many times I have heard girls say “oh it’s ok once I start drinking I don’t care what I look like!” What?! You crazy girl! Keep it together! NEVER say that, you always want to look put together, not walking around looking like you got attached by a bobcat. And lastly never EVER take off your shoes. You don’t know what you’re walking on and that is the first sign on defeat. Once you get them off, they’ll never get back on.
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”