The Friend Date

You learned to make friends very young. You had something someone else wanted, so you shared, for the most part. It’s a pretty basic concept for most of us. She’s my friend because we both like soccer and the color green. Then you become this dramatic monster in middle school and you start to have friends that grow with your growing interests of shopping, music, boys and hating your parents. As you grow into high school your friends have now developed who you are and by senior year it is like they are asking you to leave your Siamese twin behind. But somehow you make it through and meet more people who develop you and your personality in college.

I found myself in quite a predicament about 3 years ago. All of my best friends were scattered around the continental U.S. and not living in my hometown where I was living… what the hell guys?! So needless to say I was definitely out of my element. I did not have people calling me up to hang out, instead I would travel hours to spend my weekend with my high school and college friends, leaving my family and boyfriend at home. So I hit a slump because I didn’t have friends down the hall, or teammates to get lunch with and I was miserable! It didn’t help either that I didn’t work with anyone my own age.

So after a few months of bitching and moaning and many friendless Saturday nights I sucked it up and put my big girl panties on! It was time I started making some female friends! Well things kinda fell into place quite nicely! I got a new job and began coaching field hockey. My options began to open up a bit! I met some amazing girls while coaching and we are still great friends! Then by the grace of God my best friend from college moved to a town 40 minutes away as opposed to 5 hours!

“Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin

Making friends in your mid 20’s isn’t as simple as “hey I like the Pink Power Ranger and so do you”; well actually as I type this I think it is. Similarities are crucial, do you find the same things humorous, do you enjoy the same activities, does this person’s overall personality annoy the shit out of you or are they kinda funny? These are the Earth shattering questions you have to ask yourself. Plus it all comes down to: do you want to be my friend? Generally, most people my age are settled with all of their friends and aren’t open to bringing in new folk to their crowd. Well, well, well that is just not going to work because I am going to make you like me because I need female interaction!

Girls can be cruel and at first they may not like you because we are EXTREMELY territorial and well, nobody likes when the new girl steps on their turf. For a reference watch the interaction between Rizzo and Sandy in Grease. But eventually you get settled in your own life and you see the true colors of people. And if they want to be your friend they will and if not don’t bother with them!

Opening up yourself to people is scary especially if they haven’t grown with you like your childhood and college friends have. They have seen you at your worst and still love you, the same cannot be said about these “new friends”. You don’t know how they will react to things such as stories of your past or how you act when you have had too much to drink.  A best friend throws your naked ass in the tub and hoses you down. The new friends helps you inside and pending on the type of person they are, talks about you the next day to her besties. So making friends is scary because you want them to accept you for the person you are, because well girlfriend ain’t changing now.

Trying to hang out with “new friends” is like trying to ask someone on a date. You don’t know if they feel the same way and don’t want to make a fool of yourself if you got the wrong impression. Maybe they don’t really like you and were just being polite. You work up the courage to see if they want to get drinks this Friday, and they say yes! One step closer to having someone who will ask you to go get a mani pedi! So when you finally make the decision to hang out there is this underlying pressure to show this person who you really are! But remember if it is meant to be, it will all work out. Some people just aren’t meant to be friends, don’t try to make something work that isn’t there (another dating connection!)

So, always remember, think before you judge. You could be missing out on some pretty incredible people because their “first impression” might not be the best, but this isn’t an interview it’s a new relationship. Give it time, meeting new people is exciting, but keep the cattiness to a minimum until they have actually done something wrong. Allow someone to show you who they are.

Chin up beautiful!

xoxo
Ellen

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