From fashion choices to choices in men there is only a certain level of honest we can have with people, especially our friends. People really don’t want to hear that you don’t like their new hair style even if they preface it by saying “tell me honestly what you think!” You still lie!
I was out to dinner with a group of friends when friend A and friend B starting talking about different hair styles they never really liked and they were not holding back. Well friend C chimes in once they get to the stacked bob and says how much she loved that cut (which she had for several years). Friend A without a moment of hesitation says “well it never looked good on you anyway!”
This was one of those moments I couldn’t help but think, damn; now that was just too honest. I’m always puzzled when people say foul things and then follow the foul statement with the whole “I’m just being honest” nonsense. Looky-here missy, I’m all for being honest but everything we think, doesn’t need to be said aloud. Whether it’s family or friends some thoughts should be kept to ourselves. Meaning you don’t call up another friend up and tell her the evil you were thinking, that is still rude Regina George.
Now you know, I’m not the pot that calling the kettle black, because I have certainly been guilty of what I call “bad honesty” before. Actually, I’m convinced that my DNA is embedded with forward opinions and sassy comebacks, so this issue is one of the many “hope to learn soon” life lessons. I distinctly remember a good friend’s boyfriend calling me a bitch because I said some quip about him watching too much TV (because he did) and it’s bad because still to this day I don’t think I said anything wrong!
But bad honesty is the kind of self-serving honesty that only benefits the person who’s “being honest” AKA giving their opinion when it really isn’t needed. Please don’t justify a honest answer with a rude comment. You know, like the brash aunt that tells the naïve child there is no Santa or the busy body neighbor that notifies the neighbors of your marital problems before the ink on your divorce papers had dried. In any case, no one wins because you have hurt feelings and a ruined reputation.
There are very few times and even fewer relationships that can handle true honesty. Mostly people are looking for a friend to reassure that what they are doing it have done is good or acceptable or justifiable. So think before you speak and always remember that you would want people to have the same filter when speaking to you. Be kind to others and always think of a way to break news to people, don’t do it like a Band-Aid.
So stay civil my friends,