Life AFTER the Honeymoon Phase

The side of the bed

His whole life my boyfriend had a side… In his twin bed. He was a right side guy through and through. Well when we moved into our house the right just became my side. Now I get to hear all about how he can’t sleep because “I’m on his side”. It’s like he sleeps in a cave in Siberia every night!

Netflix

“You watched 2 seasons of Prison Break without me?!?”
“You were sleeping…”
“BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT!  and NOT watch it while I was at the gym!!!!”
We all know that you can never watch a show at the same pace so someone bites the bullet and has to just assume that nothing happened in the last 12 episodes that they missed.

Bad Days

Someone throughout the day pisses you off and they just happen to be in the line of fire- the line of a three headed fire breathing dragon fire. You get mad at how they chew or folded the towel [none of this actually has to do with THEM] So, next time just call up the person at work you’re mad at! LOL JK but really though please don’t do that… Instead the whipping boy will just take their beating.

Mind Reading

“I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day!” or when you tell him to leave and he actually does! Then you proclaim through tears when he doesn’t get you. In your defense he obviously should have known you didn’t mean it because he in fact has superpowers or is telepathic.

The cuddle/tickle fight gone wrong

It starts with a flirtatious tickle or “love tap” and can only end with verbal threats or someone getting punched in the nose accidentally and crying. There is no other option.

The thermostat

You get cold in the middle of the night and turn the air off. They wake up sweating and blast it. They leave for work. You put the heat on to compensate. They come home, livid that it is June and the heat is on. They open all the windows. You buy a space heater. They say “you can literally boil water in here!” The world explodes.

“But I’m already laying down”

Many a screaming match are born out of being so cozy in your blanket while your significant other uses the bathroom that, upon seeing them amble over on their return trip, you demand that they get you the remote, or the bag of chips, or some thing that you need so badly to survive but cannot be bothered to get up for because you. Are. So. COMFORTABLE.

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