Hungover and Hard Up

Waking up after a night of less than acceptable behavior is never fun, it’s actually probably one of my least favorite things to do, next to root canals (which I only had when my tooth was knocked out with a hockey stick). A shameful hangover sucks when you have work the next day, or worse a family function.

First and foremost your phone is the gatekeeper of memories and bad ideas.One of two situations can happen. Like they teach us in Adulting school, your phone is kept in your purse all night until it is pulled out to call a cab home. The latter (or the norm as I like to call it) your Snapchat story is 435 seconds long the first 200 seconds are pictures of you looking fly and the other half are you exclaiming to the masses how incredible the gyro (that is all over your face) is. People watching get motion sickness due to your lack of film skills and dancing abilities.

Going through your missing memories, this is the time when the unsettling feelings come to you. I have woken up many a times where I feel the need to apologize to people for actions that are unbeknownst to me but the wrongness of last night is eating away at me, rotting my soul from the inside out. On a brighter note you don’t have to remember arguing to the rando about why John Elway is God’s gift to football (a sport you know nothing about).

The thing is though, people have the ability to upload anything they want to the world wide web. Watch what you do because you might become the next internet sensation or worst a Meme.There is always proof in cyberspace! Just because you don’t remember what went down the night before doesn’t mean that you locker buddy from 7th grade didn’t get the comment you made on an album from 2007.

Next, Snapchat is the devils app. It should be deleted when you go out. I somehow synced my photos to come to my phone after I send one but sometimes the embarrassment is too much so all evidence is deleted.

Some nights I come home take out my contacts and wash my face put my clothes away and charge my phone. Other nights I wake up in the bathtub with half a hot pocket still in my mouth. But the ultimate slap in the face is when your friends want to go get breakfast in the morning and all the details (or how you remember them) are hashed out over your bacon, egg and cheese. You choke down each bite every time someone brings up last night because the memories start fighting through the foggy alcohol memories. Then karma comes to brunch and DDT’s you because tequila, that’s why. It’s like flashbacks of terror as you start to remember all the gut-wrenching memories, because yes you did partake in a dance-off.

BUT in order for any of this to happen you need to get out of bed.

When you stand up all of that hate and embarrassment hit you. Or it was the 7 shots you insisted on doing. Then you wonder how that bruise got there or why your quads hurt! And bam there it is another memory flashing through your eyes. In case you were wondering yes you are one someone’s snap story and no it isn’t anyone you know.

So remember drink responsibly.

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