Things Men Don’t Understand About Women

Anything can be made into a social situation

Peeing, shopping, it doesn’t matter, we need this time for ourselves to gossip, talk about makeup and do other shallow things. Since our minds are always racing, we need to be able to express ourselves to one another at any given time!

When we say we’re fine but we ARE NOT

We want other to figure out if something’s wrong. It’s not that we don’t want the help, we just get too tired and too upset to explain why. And honestly sometimes we don’t even know why because it’s a terrible combination of all things that upset us.

Why does it take so long for you to get ready?

I wish all men had to try shaving half their body every time they were getting ready to go out along with washing, drying and styling from head to toe. I’m pretty low key on the make-up front but that doesn’t mean I don’t try on 13 different outfits only to put on my sweats and stay home. And honestly, being in a long term relationship, I like coming downstairs and hearing him say “you look pretty!”. Thanks! I showered AND combed my hair!

Sometimes my shoes hurt and I complain

I would wear minimal clothing in the winter and freeze my little tush off. I wear shoes that make my feet swell and the only way I can take off my jeans is to literally have them pulled off my body. I like wearing my favorite clothes out. All week long I rock my dress pants and blazers so the weekend is my runway. Let me wear my backless sideboob tank with heels that are bigger than my head.

You try on everything

The other day I bought my boyfriend a button-down shirt. I see him walk in to the bathroom where I was getting ready and he looked at me all annoyed. “It doesn’t fit.” It didn’t matter because I kept the receipt! Chalk one up for me! But wait, he ripped the tag off and the store I bought it from requires the tag. THIS SENARIO RIGHT HERE IS THE REASON ALL CLOTHES ARE TRIED ON! So there the shirt still sits, unworn and too small.

Talking on the phone

“Before I dated you, I never spent more than 5 minutes on the phone!” Girls have the ability to talk all day at work, on the way home in the car and all night long. I have a God given gift to be able to talk for hours upon hours on end and not repeat myself.

When we “fight” with our friends

When we fight with the only female we can talk to about anything in the world, the next in line is our manfriend. So yes we are looking for you to just agree with us no matter what. Whatever “issue” we are getting mad about just calm us down. Because sometimes throwing even the tiniest bit of fuel on the fire will burn down the whole damn forest.

“What are you crying about?”

No man would dare ask this question aloud but he sure as hell thinks it every time you spontaneously burst into tears. Some women (like myself) have the ability to just sit and cry. From everything to a movie or something that happened during the day, we can burst into tears over a garden variety of nonsense. Don’t ask, just walk away.

Your “Girls Night Out” clothes

You never hear your boyfriend talk about shoes that make their legs look bigger or shirts that accentuate their pecks! So how could they possibly understand that we have different attire when it’s a special occasion? To prove my point, when have you ever heard him say “God, I get this great pair of fuck me slacks from Sears”?

So many products

My boyfriend uses an all in one shampoo/conditioner/ body wash. I have lotion for my legs and a different one for my face. I have two different types of conditioner (one’s purple for my blonde hair for those judgey bitches) plus all of my makeup and perfumes. This is not including my styling products and nail polishes. If I didn’t live with him there would be, in total two bottles of products he would need to get ready.

How We Smell Good

One of my best friends lives with her girlfriend and does understand why my bedroom always smells! Well I live with a man and they are smelly. From their shoes to their pits, they stink like sweat and Subway with a mix of cologne. Women, at times smell, but nowhere near on the same level as a man. For the most part I smell like pomegranate or lavender, except after boxing when my hands smell like death.

Forever 21

There are a handful of stores that Donnie is just confused/annoyed/overwhelmed by and Forever 21 is at the top of his list. Here are some things he has directly said and had full conversations with me about:
“I wonder if they have an accountant, because it appears they have an inventory management problem.” (He’s a CPA)
“If we placed Wyatt (our dog) in the middle of this store, he’d have an anxiety attack for fear of never finding his way out.”

The Gym

Girls look like they just stepped out of a fitness catalog (for the most part) when they go to the gym. With our tight, printed leggings and sweat licking tanks we are on a totally different level than men. You have your raggedy ass sweats on with the broken elastic- killin’ it fellas.

Instagram and My Blog

He’s my photographer and editor but doesn’t understand it. I take an obscene amount of pictures and obsess over my blog. It’s my passion (right now) and my followers don’t give two shits about what I had for lunch but I don’t like my outfit today, so that’s what they’re seeing. So yes, before I take a sip of an adorably decorated coffee or bite into my cupcake, I snap a pic. Why? Because my tasty dessert costs $10 and I want at least 25 likes to warrant the price.



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