Being Blonde is a Part of Me

You may not have been born blonde, but that’s alright. True blondes can also be created. Your soul is blonde, your aura is blonde, even if the hair on your head is black or red or brown. All you need is a good stylist. Blonde, like style and groove, it’s part of your heart and soul.

Once you’ve been blonde for awhile, you tend to stay that way. A. Because you know they lengths it took to get to your ideal color and B. You just aren’t sure if there is another color out there for you. If you do change your color eventually you’ll relapse. You begin to crave the feeling of bleach seeping into your brain, burning just a little to know that it’s working. You learn to love the smell of it. You enjoy the feeling of a head full of foils, hot under a dryer cap.

Sometimes you burn out on blonde and try a new color. Been there, done that. But wait! You suddenly get the itch to go back. Anything can spark it: a picture of a celebrity, a stranger in the hallway, a photo of yourself as a blonde. And immediately you think, I will do anything to be blonde again. You must satisfy the blonde gods. You think, dump a carton of bleach on my head RIGHT NOW. Once you look at your newly-blonde self, you breathe a sigh of relief. I’m home, you think. I am myself again.

My story is that I love being white blonde. The ashier the better. When my hair was long I swore it was clear at the bottom because it was so blonde. When my friends ask if they should go blonde they always follow up with “not your blonde”. Hi my name is Ellen and I am blondorexic. The perfect blonde to me is Khaleesi (see exhibit A.) and I have issues. My stylist still has no idea how I have hair on my head.

Exhibit A- Take note her hair is the same color as her white horse.

So here are some things my self made blondes only know!

Roots are inevitable. And the absolute worst. Even for my natural blondies – once that summer sun hits those golden locks you;ll never recreate that color in the dead of winter. It’s terrible but it’s the cross we must bear.

It’s 2016 and dumb blonde jokes are still, somehow, some way a thing. I never found them funny maybe because I’ve always worshiped blondes or maybe it’s because they just arent funny. My theory is that it’s just how people cope with the  golden mavens of the world.

More money, more money, more money. The price of highlights is INSANE but when you’re bleaching your head you kind of want to play it safe. Go to someone you can trust. Breakage isn’t cute on anyone.

WHen you’re pale but love when you’re hair matches copying paper be prepared to look like a Cullen. You don’t realize the terrible combination until pictures show up online.

“So what is your natural color?” Girl I have no idea, I’ve been getting highlights since they pulled your hair through that cap like that were a blonde basket on my head. My soul however is blonde!

Purple shampoo- stains my shower, nail beds and skin but it makes my hair brighter and ashier (takes out the yellow factor). Sometimes I even purposefully leave it in long enough to turn it lavender.

Looking up pics of blonde haired people to decide on a shade and freaking out if, by comparison, your is too brassy, yellow, platinum or dirty or not enough of any of those. There are hundreds of different “blondes” you can be, and if you ask me, they’re all very telling of one’s personality.

You don’t even want to think about all you could have done with the money you spend making yourself blonde. Plus it’s not like you can DIY this on your own. If  did my roots would be orange or I would melt my own hair off.

I’m not a natural blonde and I have a pixie so I visit my stylist more than I see some of my family members. You literally schedule weddings, vacations, late nights at work and major life events around when you will have a fresh cut and color.

Trying to go brunette brings a cluster fuck of  mixed feelings and people’s rude comments because you’re no longer conforming to the beauty standard expected of you. I once had a friend who dyed her hair brown but still had blonde hair in her ID, and someone once asked her if she was ever going to go back to looking pretty and blonde…

So be who you are whether you’re man made or mama made- it does matter just be real on the inside and your beauty will shine through.

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