Things That aNnOy Me

Raisins.

Especially in cookies. A raisin cookie is living a lie. Everyone thinks it’s going to be a delicious chocolate chip cookie, and then upon biting into it are greeted with the grossest snack of all time. It’s rude. And humiliating because you can’t spit out a bite of food and keep your dignity after like, the age of 13.

4G vs. LTE

I pay my own phone bill like a respectable, semi-put together lady. I should be able to check Twitter without a delay whenever I damn well please.

Cars that play their music loudly enough that I can hear it inside my apartment.

I’m super stoked for you that you’re still not over “Sorry” and feel the need to jame every time you hear it. I’m just not with you. And I don’t want to hear it when you roll by because you don’t understand what an appropriate decibel level is. Just don’t- plus that can’t be good for your ears.

People who do not have semi-professional email handles.

Honey. I know, I know. We all had fun being petewentzluvmeback211@yahoo.com from 2001 to 2005. But we’re adults now. Get an email that you don’t have to mutter under your breath because it’s truly embarrassing. You’ll thank me later. And please for the love of God don’t use the number 69.

Bicyclists.

“When you’re a pedestrian you hate cars, when you’re driving you hate pedestrians. But no matter where we are, we will all always hate someone on a bike.” — Ghandi

Shower handles that are not clear about how to make the shower work.

Nothing makes me feel like more of a fool than getting into an unfamiliar shower and not being able to ahem make it rain. JUST LABEL IT ON AND OFF. WHY IS THAT SO HARD?!?! Nothing is worse than standing naked in a shower you can’t figure out how to work. I don’t care if I have to pray to the rain gods first just don’t confuse me!

When Siri won’t just answer the fucking question.

Siri, you and your iPhone house cost me over $700. Just answer the question and stop Googling things.

Lukewarm coffee.

If I order a non-iced coffee I expect that sucker is handed to me at a balmy 115 degrees. If it feels like a pool that needs skimming because it’s been neglected all Spring I’m just going to be grossed out. I literally want the skin on my tongue to burn off and nothing short of that.

Night zits.

Yes, I realize I should have taken my makeup off more thoroughly. But why?! Why you gotta be so rude?! Don’t you know I’m…in my 20s and shouldn’t have to deal with both taxes AND acne.

Round-a-bouts.

No one knows what to do, everyone ends up honking, and it’s just a mess. #Stoplights4eva

Overly taut towel dispensers.

I just want to dry my hands, not end up with little bits of damp paper towel stuck to my palms. STOP RIPPING YOU’RE MAKING ME QUESTION HOW I GOT A COLLEGE DEGREE.

People who do not teach their children how to behave around animals.

You are asking for your child to get bitten by a dog and it’s making everyone nervous.

Non-direct flights.

No one LIKES air travel, okay? We all hate being crammed into a tiny tin can filled with farts, recycled air, and $7 bottles of Barefoot. But we do it because it’s a hazard of needing to get from point A to point B. But getting to point B shouldn’t have to take a detour to points A.1, A.2, and A.3 simply because Delta couldn’t get their shit together enough to make a direct flight. UGH. This is why we can’t have nice things.

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7 Things We Romanticized as Kids

Late Night Snack

drunk

As kids, we thought it would be more like a Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie but instead we would just sneak candy into our room at like 9pm- fall asleep with gum in our mouths and have to get our hair cut off (tale of caution my friends). We never knew what it was actually like to have a midnight snack and so we naturally romanticized this idea. Now, as latter part 20 something- we have come to the sobering realization that midnight snacks are NOT all they’re cracked up to be. Sure, it might be fun at the time to gorge on a 2am gyro but come back to me in the morning and I can assure you you’ll be whistling a different bloaty tune. Your stomach will be off, you’ll wake up feeling as if a stray cat pissed in your mouth, and your face will be as bloated as Rob Kardashian’s. Yay midnight snacks!

Alcohol

Maroon 5 drinking drink alcohol don't wanna know

When we were 8 it was cool when your “fun” aunt let you sip on her Margs – feeling like you in da club getting tipsy. So needless to say we all presumed we had years of alcohol-filled joy ahead of us. Then, we all went to college and we did have those alcohol filled joy nights/morning/afternoons. But now we quickly learn that the most joy we’ll ever get from alcohol is getting your $400 Amazon order you forgot you purchased after 3 ish glasses of wine.

High School

A24 running miles teller high school hallway

I blame Varsity Blues for this one. Not one boy in my high school had the hair, nor the facial structure and piercing blue eyes that Paul Walker had (RIP). High school also didn’t have that same navy, glazed-over look to it. Rather, it involved a lot of C’s, lots of frustration, and horrible Facebook pictures that your one asshole friend likes to bring back to life as she sips gin alone on a Saturday night.

Being an adult

Like living in your own home, and responsible shit like that. GREAT in theory. ALARMING in practice. You figure that by the time you’re 25 you’ll know how to kill a spider or ensnare a mouse, right? WRONG. Instead I call my mom with EVERY things from “I just ate hummus that expired a month ago. Am I going to die?” to ““How do I wash my clothes that say ‘dry clean only’?”

Having a job

work job working

I used to play this game with my friends where we pretended to work in an office and would have lunch with our husbands Justin Timberlake and Lance Bass (weird)—the purpose of the “company” was never really stated. We’d get “phone calls” from my dad’s old car phone, “take notes,” and I know all of you did some form of this as well. And it’s weird, because now when I try to hand in similar “notes” to my boss and call it “my work for the day,” I’m told to grow up and am given a warning.

Sleepovers

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Maybe we romanticized sleepovers as a kid because they truly were romanticized for us. There was always a magically clean extra bed, made just for you; endless snacks; and a feast for you when you woke up. Sleepovers now are not as fun. It’s us who has to do the cleaning now, not the magical and invisible elf who did the cleaning for us back when we were kids. And it’s never not grim waking up to beer down your walls, vomit on your carpet and someone sleeping in your dog’s bed. Also I can’t even imagine when that sleepover isn’t friends but instead a guy who’s name you can’t remember and is now expecting breakfast.

Britney Spears

Image result for britney spears kevin federline gif

“It’s not enough to meet her, I want to be her,” I distinctly remember saying about Britney. This was obviously during her “Slave 4 U” stage, when she was arguably the fiercest specimen. If there’s one human who’s entire career and mental stability sums up the fraudulence of our media and the twisted trajectory of pop culture, it’s her. My god, nothing says death to our childhoods like rise of Kevin Federline and B Spear’s bald head, and also then learning that her younger sister Jamie Lynn is set to be a teen mom.

Wedding Series: Venues

After the initial excitement and joy of our engagement finally settled in, my fiancé and I started to get serious about planning our nuptials. I was thrilled at the thought of planning a ceremony that would be meaningful to us and to our families, along with a party that our guests would never forget. But so many thoughts and ideas were running through my head and I found myself totally overwhelmed and intimidated by the idea of planning such a big event. Simultaneously, I was falling deeper and deeper into the wedding-inspiration Pinterest hole.

The first thing every planner, book, and bride will tell you is that selecting a location and venue for your big day is the hardest and biggest decision—and one you should make first. There’s no use falling in love with a floral arrangement or china pattern for your reception tables until you know where your reception will actually be. Once you’ve locked down your location and estimated wedding size, there’s still a lot to figure out before selecting the exact location for your big event!

Picking between wedding venues is a big deal. It’s expensive. It sets the tone. It’s the “meat” in the wedding sandwich, if you will. I have seen many a brides regret their venue choices, or become incredibly obsessed with their whole magical day. Remember choose a wedding venue that is the best fit for you.

First, before you make any venue decisions, you need to make a draft budget. Don’t sign a contract with an expensive venue, only to realize down the line that you have no money left for that DJ you’ve been coveting. Second, prep yourself with a venue research spreadsheet—a place to track all of your research on wedding venue ideas, so that you can organize it and then review it without losing your mind.

A Word of Warning: The most frustrating part of finding a venue is the initial research. Much like the college application process, venues and their websites are all completely different. They offer a variety of information in various places, and sometimes they don’t offer any information at all, which is even more fun. Try not to get too frustrated by this. If you can’t find answers on a venue’s site- reach out with your questions via email. Often venues are stingy with info online, but if approached, they have a marketing packet ready to share that has a lot of the initial information you are looking for.

Here are a few tips that we learned along the way!

Venue Decor

If you are imaging an intimate dinner with yards of silk draping and glistening chandeliers, but the room you are looking at has soaring ceilings, it could be extra-costly for your vision to become a reality. If you have a certain mood or style you want your event to evoke, make sure you’re looking at venues that already have some of those characteristics. Otherwise, transforming your space to suit your vision could end up blowing your budget.

Noise

I had dreams of a rustic outdoor wedding in old abandoned Iron Furnaces- until I learned of a state ordinance that prohibits amplified music after 10p.m. Knowing the kind of reception we wanted to have and how important a band was in our plans, this wasn’t going to work. See ya furnaces, it would have been nice. In the same vein, if you’re hoping for a more low-key, intimate event, but the restaurant where you’d love to host your reception is next door to an all-hours karaoke bar, that may not work either.

Be Excited

We went to a very well known venue in our area and my fiance noticed that the wedding planner never congratulated us. It’s all part of the sales pitch. I don’t care if you see 20 brides in a day and do 150 weddings a year. When we meet please make us feel special. This is part of our experience. This will (hopefully) be the only time we are doing this- we are excited so be excited with us!

Accessible?

If your aunt has bad knees or you know your grandmother isn’t walking like she used to, make sure the sites of your ceremony and reception can accommodate wheelchairs and walkers, and double-check that there is an elevator, so guests aren’t forced to take the stairs. My initial venue choice (since I was 10) would have people walking a few hundred yards in grass- not the best option for elderly guests. We decided to open up another room in our venue so we had elevator access, because I knew some of our family members wouldn’t be able to do the walk up the steps.

Answer My Initial Phone Calls and Emails

Like any new relationship we need to develop our trust. When I reach out three different times and I don’t hear back- I’m not having my wedding here. When I want to bring my parents up to see the venue and you don’t seem so thrilled I’m not immediately signing on the dotted line- I’m not having my wedding here. We traveled to a potential venue and the main planner was sick and unable to meet with us. There were alternate arrangements made and a breakfast waiting for us for the “inconvenience”. It made us feel wanted which was really nice.

Guest Count

We looked at an absolutely adorable B&B as a potential venue for our wedding, but even pushing their capacity to the max would have meant drastically slashing our guest list. To us, it wasn’t worth having the wedding in this really great space if it meant that our friends couldn’t be there to celebrate with us. On the flip side, if you’ve always dreamed of having a reception in the grand hall of your local museum, but you only plan on inviting 50 guests, your party could end up looking a little empty and sparse.

Any other thoughts we can add to the list? Comment below- I’d love to hear!

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Don’t Call it a Comeback: Stirrups Are BACK!

Oh yes, you heard me right. Thanks to this seasons NYFW, that 80s fave, stirrup pant is back in the spotlight this fall. And I predict they are going to be a huge runway to real life success. Do not however, mistake these stirruped lovelies as a replacement for your trusty black leggings. These are not footless tights. They are serious trousers.

To many of us, the pants are a bad relic from our mothers’ wardrobes. But honestly culottes, crop-tops and shoulder-pads walked the runway adorned by millennials – it’s about time the stirrup joined the fashion ranks. All we need is the casual leotard and legwarmer combo and we’ve hit ourselves a fashion grand slam.

While many retailers’ versions of the 1980s-era pant style have yet to hit stores, I found a few (namely athleisure brands) that are churning out stirrup leggings, so now you can follow in high fashion footsteps. Because we all fought a few of the recycled trends but let’s be honest… we all eventually break down and buy clothes that make our parents shriek “I wore that in the 80s!”

|| Urban Outfitters || ASOS || MissGuided ||
|| Express || ASOS || Macy’s ||
|| Target || Lord & Taylor || H&M ||

So tell me what you think? Can this once horrid trend come back and reinvent itself? Comment below I’d love to hear!

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Chunky Cardigans

Something about autumn and how we dress makes this season, and us with it, look like a scene from our favorite film. Leaves on the ground, trees going to sleep, sun & rain altogether, windy cool weather, crispy mornings, heads tucked in collars, hands fidgeting in pockets, sipping hot drinks in bohemian artsy or posh bars, hot coffees to go on rushed cold mornings, and us starring in all these scenes, almost always wearing SWEATERS! 

Whether trendy or not sweaters were always fall’s #1 staple.

Cozy sweaters are synonymous with a fall-winter state of mind. When you’re chilled to the bone, running errands in the rain or otherwise adulting when you’d rather be curled up somewhere with a warm beverage and a good book- these sweaters are my go-to.

|| Forever 21 || Sole Society || Gap ||
|| ASOS || Shoptiques || Urban Outfitters ||
|| L.L.Bean || Target || H&M ||

If you think knits of all sorts are a far cry from sophistication, think again. With a pair of heeled shoes: pumps, stilettos, boots and what not, ANY cardigan will instantly look uber sleek and chic. Check it out and let me know what you guys think!

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