Things That aNnOy Me

Raisins.

Especially in cookies. A raisin cookie is living a lie. Everyone thinks it’s going to be a delicious chocolate chip cookie, and then upon biting into it are greeted with the grossest snack of all time. It’s rude. And humiliating because you can’t spit out a bite of food and keep your dignity after like, the age of 13.

4G vs. LTE

I pay my own phone bill like a respectable, semi-put together lady. I should be able to check Twitter without a delay whenever I damn well please.

Cars that play their music loudly enough that I can hear it inside my apartment.

I’m super stoked for you that you’re still not over “Sorry” and feel the need to jame every time you hear it. I’m just not with you. And I don’t want to hear it when you roll by because you don’t understand what an appropriate decibel level is. Just don’t- plus that can’t be good for your ears.

People who do not have semi-professional email handles.

Honey. I know, I know. We all had fun being petewentzluvmeback211@yahoo.com from 2001 to 2005. But we’re adults now. Get an email that you don’t have to mutter under your breath because it’s truly embarrassing. You’ll thank me later. And please for the love of God don’t use the number 69.

Bicyclists.

“When you’re a pedestrian you hate cars, when you’re driving you hate pedestrians. But no matter where we are, we will all always hate someone on a bike.” — Ghandi

Shower handles that are not clear about how to make the shower work.

Nothing makes me feel like more of a fool than getting into an unfamiliar shower and not being able to ahem make it rain. JUST LABEL IT ON AND OFF. WHY IS THAT SO HARD?!?! Nothing is worse than standing naked in a shower you can’t figure out how to work. I don’t care if I have to pray to the rain gods first just don’t confuse me!

When Siri won’t just answer the fucking question.

Siri, you and your iPhone house cost me over $700. Just answer the question and stop Googling things.

Lukewarm coffee.

If I order a non-iced coffee I expect that sucker is handed to me at a balmy 115 degrees. If it feels like a pool that needs skimming because it’s been neglected all Spring I’m just going to be grossed out. I literally want the skin on my tongue to burn off and nothing short of that.

Night zits.

Yes, I realize I should have taken my makeup off more thoroughly. But why?! Why you gotta be so rude?! Don’t you know I’m…in my 20s and shouldn’t have to deal with both taxes AND acne.

Round-a-bouts.

No one knows what to do, everyone ends up honking, and it’s just a mess. #Stoplights4eva

Overly taut towel dispensers.

I just want to dry my hands, not end up with little bits of damp paper towel stuck to my palms. STOP RIPPING YOU’RE MAKING ME QUESTION HOW I GOT A COLLEGE DEGREE.

People who do not teach their children how to behave around animals.

You are asking for your child to get bitten by a dog and it’s making everyone nervous.

Non-direct flights.

No one LIKES air travel, okay? We all hate being crammed into a tiny tin can filled with farts, recycled air, and $7 bottles of Barefoot. But we do it because it’s a hazard of needing to get from point A to point B. But getting to point B shouldn’t have to take a detour to points A.1, A.2, and A.3 simply because Delta couldn’t get their shit together enough to make a direct flight. UGH. This is why we can’t have nice things.

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