11 Reasons That Prove You’re a 20 Something Grandma

So I wanted to lay the groundwork that I’m not actually playing up this popular “oh I’m really just a grandma.” I love Facebook, selfies and fast wi-fi. Whenver I have the opportunity I will go out dancing. My closet is filled with crop-tops, short skirts and heels. However they are never worn together because I’d be cold and uncomfortable and that’s not enjoyable for anyone involved. My name is Ellen and my future husband’s name is Donald- when we meet new people it sounds like someones parents with a solid stock portfolio will be joining them for drinks. Let the record show I once cried to my mom because my grandmother’s 90 year old neighbor’s name was Ellen and all I wanted to do was be named Crystal.Those were my younger years.

On a serious note I hate being out past my bedtime and I worry that I’ll be cold to wherever I’m going out so I carry a sweater with me. I keep nutrition bars in my purse next to my sewing kit. I make comments like “she really should have a jacket on” and “this music is way too loud for my taste.” I just began cross-stitching so I have something to do while I watch my shows. So here are a few more reasons that you too might be a 90 year old born in the 80s.

You prefer calling someone up to texting.

You’re not one to be glued to your phone texting, you’d much rather call and hear their actual voice. Plus I can’t figure how how to change “gaga” to “haha” and I get too frustrated so I just call.

Weekends are for housework and dust bunnies.

When Friday hits and you’re like “I could go out, or I could catch up on my laundry and housework instead. Plus the girls in the office almost ruined the ending of “This is Us” so I should get caught up.”

You tend to be the advice giver.

You’d probably be quick to say that you are far from having it all together. After all, you are by no means perfect, and certainly will never claim to be. Yet, among your friends you are still the person people go to when they need a lending ear.You might not always have the answers, but the feeling of being needed is something you definitely appreciate.

Your choice in music isn’t necessarily modern.

One of my best friends is the girl you go to if you need to brush up on current hits. She knows all of the lyrics and can tell you the other best songs off the albums that haven’t been butchered by the radio. While I’m hoping the DJ will mix in some Earth, Wind and Fire or Johnny Cash into his playlist.

You have an ‘old soul’ approach to life.

Whether you’re giving advice to your friends or reminiscing about the ‘good ole days,’ you tend to talk about your life like you’ve already lived it.

You’re always a little chilly.

Doesn’t matter how warm it is, you always manage to feel cold. Even if it is a sweltering summer day you still bring a light sweater in case the air conditioning is a little too strong.

You need to go home when you’re tired.

Being stuck out with friends once you’re tired is your idea of hell. They say you’re ride will be here in 45 minutes or they aren’t ready to leave hurts your heart. Once you get sleepy, you just need to leave. There isn’t a second wind coming your way because that bitch blew through at 3pm.

Cleaning is your mistress.

When you clean your kitchen and bathroom really well you get an immense sense of satisfaction. You feel complete because there is nothing better than coming home to a clean home. Also when you try and new cleaning product that works just as you hoped or better… euphoric.

Loud anything irks you.

Loud-mouthed people are the bane of your existence. Bars that play their music too loud are avoided like the plague. You value the peaceful nothingness that is silence, but you can tolerate ‘inside voice’ level if need be.

You always dress appropriately during the colder months.

When you rug up for a night out in winter, and can’t fathom how on earth you used to go out without a coat.

You’re fully aware of your grandma like tendencies.

Nothing anyone says will change you. You’re set in your old fogie ways and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your friends know how you are and they just let you live your 80 year old lady life.


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