Philadelphia’s Magic Garden

Look around- this world we live in is a beautiful place full of magical places and spaces. Don’t forget to look around and see what surprises are waiting for you. Details make this world amazing.

de·tail
dəˈtāl,ˈdētāl/
noun
plural noun: details
  1. 1.
    an individual feature, fact, or item.

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If You’re Pale and You Know It- Put on Sunscreen

Fake tanning (no matter the level) is way too dramatic

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People coming back from vaca and using your arm as a tan comparison. You basically act as the heart girls put on their hips at the tanning salon. You are welcome tan friends!

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The word pasty takes a small part of your soul

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Bronzers are too dark so you use a slightly darker concealer to contour

pale girl problems

Blushing is just something you can’t control

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Your body at this point in your life is probably made up of equal parts water and sunscreen.

(Although that doesn't mean you don't also need UVA protection. Also, dermatologists note that, when you go above SPF 50 , the increase in UVB protection is minimal.)

 

Things that are flesh-toned are usually a few shades… off.

Note, from personal experience: Orange zebra is NOT a cute look.

 

Platinum blonde is my Go To all year round- though it probably shouldn’t because I look like a Cullen

Winter is horrible because you are more pale than usual

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When you are sick no one notices because it’s impossible to become more pale

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You get the question of “Are you sick?” or “Did you get enough sleep?”

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Ladies, We Can All Relate

That sudden urge to pee right after you paint your nails. WHY?!

When you have the worst itch ever on your eye, so you rub the hell out of it and it feels so good! Only to remember you put eyeliner on today and you look like you took a left hook to the face.

Ruining something first time you wear/use it.

THIS:
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When your right winged eyeliner does not come close to matching your left.

You give yourself an extra 30 minutes to get ready so you’re not late, but you still end up being 30 minutes late.

Lip-gloss and wind.

Burning yourself with your flat iron on your neck and people think its a weird hickey for the next two weeks.

Your hair always looks so good when you leave the salon and even the next morning- it’s the first time you are left to fend for our own is when it goes to shit.

You impulse buy a lot and then realize that you don’t need it. So you just end up contemplating is it worth it to return or should you just keep it.

Deciding where to eat is more complex than designing a time machine.

As soon as you tell the waiter/waitress what you want to eat, you think in your head how you regret not ordering something else. You dwell on this your entire time at the restaurant. You can’t get over it.

Your S/O’s meal is ALWAYS better than yours. Its actually scientific fact as this point.

Letting your friends borrow something and it gets returned to you in worse condition, and they’re response is, “I swear it was already like that.”

When you think you don’t need a cart and you end up doing an award winning balancing act with all 47 items you “didn’t think you needed”.

When you go for a natural look yet people still ask if you’re feeling alright? Or if you have a summer cold?

Watching a movie you’ve already seen with someone that hasn’t seen it. You narrate the whole time. “OMG watch this part. Do you get it? Make sure you pay attention here…” We are so annoying to watch movies with.

We say we don’t care about Valentine’s Day, but we will start the biggest fight if we don’t get chocolate on Valentine’s Day.

When you dress for the weather but the weather doesn’t care you wore your new suede booties. So off you run in the rain- barefoot and cold.

The whole, “I’m Fine” thing. We say we are fine, but deep down we want to beat you over the head with a broomstick.

We love to ask for advice but then do the complete opposite of that.

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I Want All the Dogs

Ever go out somewhere and there is a dog and you do your best to make him love you the most? Whether that means ignoring other people, standing in front of March Madness because you don’t want to disrupted the sleeping beauty or completely secluding yourself from the group to another floor in the house- you’ll do anything to hang with the little monster! Most recently, I was visiting with friends at their home for a little St. Patrick’s Day celebration. As we were parking I noticed some paw prints in the snow (like a psycho or FBI Agent) and I realized our friend was bringing over his brand new lab puppy! Night. Made.

Suddenly, I was on full alert. A dog! There is a puppy inside! “Be cool, Ellen,” I thought. “Don’t let them know just how excited you are.”

I do this thing where I talk to my dog like he can answer the questions I’m asking him. It’s weird and most people don’t get to experience this wonderful bond we share, until now. So as I hurried downstairs missing the last step, I turned the corner and began to fire off questions to the little ball of furry love.

“Well hello Mister!”

“What is your name?”

“How old are you?”

“Where are your toys??”

My little man is a 100lb Great Pyrenees so we haven’t been able to hold him since he was about 10 weeks old. So up into my arms his little unwilling muppet body went and I would have held him until my arms fell off if he wasn’t so unhappy being squeezed to death.

To make a long story short: I got so wrapped up in the dog that no one else got the chance to pet him. I bogarted that dog. Smelling him. Kissing him. Grabbing his little feet. I could not get enough. I was like an addict.

Sometimes I’ll be with someone and they’ll start nonchalantly showing me pictures of their dog on their phone. I will internally seem calm. Little do they know I’m thrumming with the excitement of a thousand-person drum line. They’ll scroll through about ten photos or so, mesmerized and then shake their head, snap out of it and apologize to me. TO ME. “Sorry! Haha! You don’t need to see all those pictures of dogs that look exactly the same.”

Yes.
Yes. I do.

I need to see all the pictures of all the dogs.I need to see him playing with a ball or cuddling on the sofa. I need to see him wrestling with you on the floor. I need to see him before AND after he got groomed. Most importantly I need to see them sleeping.

There have been many times where I have altered my destined course to cross paths with this four legged wonders. I like to know their names and their breed. I’m somewhat of an expert on dog breeds- I chalk up all of my knowledge to my “Puppy in my Pocket” collection.Which was quite extensive and impressive. My best friend growing up was a dog mostly because I was an only child and couldn’t handle other human beings.It wasn’t until my mom and I came up with a deal- she gets remarried- I get a puppy brother. Because we all know I would have joined the circus if she brought another human into the world.

Well enters Pat- my stepdad not the dog- and we get Max the very rambunctious Bernese Mountain Dog puppy. He did anything but listen- he chewed flooring, ate loves of bread and dug holes so far deep we could have buried bodies in them. Well Pat and I decided one day that Max needed a dog sister and we got Bailey- the Harry Houdini of dogs. So to my poor mother’s surprise she was now the mommy of 2 very large dogs. The rest is history!

For an addict like me, the summer is prime time. Suddenly, the way ladies bare their knees in sundresses and dudes flex their muscles in colorful tanks — the dogs are out on parade. Every person I pass on the street seems to be walking the cutest dog I have ever seen. Each one is fluffier and sweeter than the last. I want to touch them, but it’s not appropriate so I settle for secretly gawking at them from a few feet away.

I try to get my dog fix in any way I can, but it’s not easy to do it without blowing up my spot. Addicts have to be sort of stealth in order to avoid interventions and public concern. I’d be mortified if someone was like, “Um, did you just take a picture of my dog?” Because I can’t explain that there are AT LEAST 10 people off the top of my head who would love to see your wonderful puppy- most people just don’t get it. I’d rather be caught sexting.

So…I love dogs. If you have a dog, I would like to see it and/or meet it Email me a picture at theoxfordguide@gmail.com I’d love to see them!

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11 Reasons That Prove You’re a 20 Something Grandma

So I wanted to lay the groundwork that I’m not actually playing up this popular “oh I’m really just a grandma.” I love Facebook, selfies and fast wi-fi. Whenver I have the opportunity I will go out dancing. My closet is filled with crop-tops, short skirts and heels. However they are never worn together because I’d be cold and uncomfortable and that’s not enjoyable for anyone involved. My name is Ellen and my future husband’s name is Donald- when we meet new people it sounds like someones parents with a solid stock portfolio will be joining them for drinks. Let the record show I once cried to my mom because my grandmother’s 90 year old neighbor’s name was Ellen and all I wanted to do was be named Crystal.Those were my younger years.

On a serious note I hate being out past my bedtime and I worry that I’ll be cold to wherever I’m going out so I carry a sweater with me. I keep nutrition bars in my purse next to my sewing kit. I make comments like “she really should have a jacket on” and “this music is way too loud for my taste.” I just began cross-stitching so I have something to do while I watch my shows. So here are a few more reasons that you too might be a 90 year old born in the 80s.

You prefer calling someone up to texting.

You’re not one to be glued to your phone texting, you’d much rather call and hear their actual voice. Plus I can’t figure how how to change “gaga” to “haha” and I get too frustrated so I just call.

Weekends are for housework and dust bunnies.

When Friday hits and you’re like “I could go out, or I could catch up on my laundry and housework instead. Plus the girls in the office almost ruined the ending of “This is Us” so I should get caught up.”

You tend to be the advice giver.

You’d probably be quick to say that you are far from having it all together. After all, you are by no means perfect, and certainly will never claim to be. Yet, among your friends you are still the person people go to when they need a lending ear.You might not always have the answers, but the feeling of being needed is something you definitely appreciate.

Your choice in music isn’t necessarily modern.

One of my best friends is the girl you go to if you need to brush up on current hits. She knows all of the lyrics and can tell you the other best songs off the albums that haven’t been butchered by the radio. While I’m hoping the DJ will mix in some Earth, Wind and Fire or Johnny Cash into his playlist.

You have an ‘old soul’ approach to life.

Whether you’re giving advice to your friends or reminiscing about the ‘good ole days,’ you tend to talk about your life like you’ve already lived it.

You’re always a little chilly.

Doesn’t matter how warm it is, you always manage to feel cold. Even if it is a sweltering summer day you still bring a light sweater in case the air conditioning is a little too strong.

You need to go home when you’re tired.

Being stuck out with friends once you’re tired is your idea of hell. They say you’re ride will be here in 45 minutes or they aren’t ready to leave hurts your heart. Once you get sleepy, you just need to leave. There isn’t a second wind coming your way because that bitch blew through at 3pm.

Cleaning is your mistress.

When you clean your kitchen and bathroom really well you get an immense sense of satisfaction. You feel complete because there is nothing better than coming home to a clean home. Also when you try and new cleaning product that works just as you hoped or better… euphoric.

Loud anything irks you.

Loud-mouthed people are the bane of your existence. Bars that play their music too loud are avoided like the plague. You value the peaceful nothingness that is silence, but you can tolerate ‘inside voice’ level if need be.

You always dress appropriately during the colder months.

When you rug up for a night out in winter, and can’t fathom how on earth you used to go out without a coat.

You’re fully aware of your grandma like tendencies.

Nothing anyone says will change you. You’re set in your old fogie ways and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your friends know how you are and they just let you live your 80 year old lady life.

Engagement Party Dresses

I have been in wedding mode these past few weeks! My mom and step-mom decided that we should throw an engagement party at a local mansion- how adorable. AND being the person I am – I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect invite, decorations and of course the dress. The whole “event” will be a mix of vintage and modern so I want our outfits to fit the day! Plus who doesn’t love treating themselves to a new dress. I wanted to look for something that could be used more than once like for my shower or rehearsal dinner and a dress that can be worn after all this is over. So see below and comment on what you think!

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|| Lulu’s || J. Crew || Nordstrom || Show Me Your Mumu ||
|| BHLDN || ASOS || Anthropologie || ShopBop ||
|| Anthropologie || ModCloth || ASOS || Lulu’s ||

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Note To Self

1.

You are a very beautiful human created by two people who love you dearly.


2.

You are a stronger than you think.


3.

Humility and kindness will always go farther than bitterness and hate.


4.

You are gorgeous beyond measure.


5.

You are well loved by the people around you.


6.

After someone hurts you, forgive them. And keep forgiving them.


7.

 Remind the people you love how amazing they are.


8.

You don’t need to explain yourself.


9.

It pays off to put in extra hours at work, even if you’re missing the fun.


10.

Everything that was happened before that you think was wrong has always a chance for you to make it right.


11.

Don’t think that the mistake from the past can define your whole being of who you are right now.


12.

You were put on the world for the reason.


13.

Don’t let them define your future nor define of who you really are.


14.

You are an intelligent woman that knows where she is going and knows herself very well.


15.

Don’t let time pass you by – appreciate the here and now.


16.

Always follow your heart, regardless of other people’s opinions.


17.

People will talk about you and gossip. Don’t succumb to their ways.


18.

Just continue to love and don’t plant hatred in your heart.


19.

Accept everyone, even if their lifestyles or opinions differ from your own.


20.

Sometimes, you need to sleep more than you need to shower.


21.

It’s OK to not have your phone constantly in your hand.


22.

There is no such thing as taking too many photos on your phone. You’re going to need mementos of these times.


23.

Go to every competition, game, tournament, and art show of your siblings and friends.


24.

Late night drives in the summer are always a good idea.


25.

It’s OK to have sleepovers after even after your graduate high school.


26.

Respect your elders, people’s feelings and your own body.


27.

Wear your seat-belt.


28.

Everyone has insecurities. So don’t bash others for theirs.


29.

You are not perfect, but you can perfectly love like God.


30.

Pay your credit card bill on time.


31.

The people who want to be in your life will always remind you that they want to be there.


32.

Smile. Laugh. Love. You are as radiant as the sun. You are incredible as you are. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself. Be gracious. Stay humble. Be beautifully you.

Road Trippin’

Good thing I’m only 2 blocks away I forgot my cell phone…

People it is a 4-way stop sign not a Rubik’s Cube.

Shit! Why didn’t I pee before we left?

Ok next gas station I’ll just run in.

That gas station looks sketchy, let’s just wait until the next one.

I forgot how much I love this song!

Why didn’t I ever take singing lessons?

I wonder if it would be comfortable to ride a motorcycle for six hours straight…

Why is this truck trying to cut me off?

One of these days I’m going to call the “how is my truck driver doing” phone number.

Why didn’t we just fly?

You are messing up my cruise control buddy!

Off go the shoes.

Time to get comfy.

Jk. Not possible.

Jeeps are very sensitive.

One move and we’re across the median.

If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light turns green again- I will shut my car off lie on the hood and feed birds for the next 2 hours.

Are we getting close?

It’s only been 30 minutes…

I’m never ever going to get there.

I’m running out of snacks, oh no!

Why did I forget my sunglasses?

How do people survive living in the middle of nowhere?

Some of these cities we are passing have really weird names.

I wish we were there already!

Why am I having a sneeze attack right now? This feels dangerous.

I CAN’T KEEP MY EYES OPEN!

I need to stretch my legs, or they are going to go numb.

My butt really hurts.

I really hope I don’t hit traffic.

Oh shit was that a cop?!

Ugh I hate driving- I wish I just had a personal chauffeur

I want to go pee, but I also don’t want to go in a gross bathroom… again. Decisions, decisions.

The number of red lights I hit is directly proportional to how bad I have to pee.

Oh yes! This is the rest stop with the good Cinnabon.

On the road again! I can’t wait to get on the road again!

SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!

I’LL TELL YA WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!

Oh my god no song should ever be allowed to have a siren in it!

I totally missed my exit.

NO MapQuest please take your time recalculating- it’s not like I need you or anything.

Turning the radio down always helps me see street signs better.

Oh god remember that time I did something super embarrassing 6 years ago….

Now I feel sick.

I think we’re almost there!

I wonder what I’m going to wear tonight.

I totally over packed- that is so annoying.

It’s telling me that 6 miles will take 45 minutes? How is that humanly possible?!

The city is such a strange place.

You have got to be kidding me. Today is the day people decide to celebrate Chinese New Year!

Wait I have to get a picture of this.

God I almost hit that cone- which was next to a cop- that is watching me try and take a picture of this dragon- which is illegal here- being on my phone not the dragon part.

I wonder if people know I’m not from here by my driving.

I’m sure my PA license plate doesn’t help.

Where are you going? Pick a lane!

People who don’t use their blinker should just stay home.

Wow, I hate bicyclists.

And driving in the city.

And bicyclists while driving in the city.

It’s over! We made it!

Speed hump… Ha Ha.

Is it bedtime? If not I need a drink!

TOG Lust List

There are times when I have don’t shop for months and all of a sudden I just need to buy something- ANYTHING! I pop over to a few different stores and before I know it I have a $1000 in inventory in all my carts. Obviously it’s just my way of coping with my withdrawl but in doing so I find some items I need to bring home.  So here are some of my products I am lusting over this month.

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|| Free People Tank || Harry Potter Bath Bomb || Nike Kicks || Cell Phone Case || Madewell Tote ||
|| Glossier Matte Lipstick || Cotton Scarf || Unicorn Charger || White Mumu || Return Address Stamp ||

Comment below- I’d love to hear some new items you’ve purchased over the past few weeks. Any new stores I should be checking out?

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People Going Straight to Hell

People who don’t put things back where they belong- in public and in private. Lady I just watch you put chicken in the chip aisle- we both know that doesn’t go there.

Anyone who texts on a first date. Seriously, there’s like 28 minutes left. Whatever you’re doing is so important that you have to text people right now? Can you at least excuse yourself to the bathroom first?

Anyone who does this

Anyone who mocks your dreams and goals- FUCK ‘EM

The person who talks through all the good parts of your favorite television show or movie. Or asks 47 questions while watching something neither one of you have seen. (That’s totally me.)

People who don’t get the concept of the of an Express lane at the grocery store

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People who don’t tip good service at restaurants.

People who ride your ass on the highway in traffic causing you to scream “Where do you want me to go?!” in your car at them. You move out of the way and they zoom past you for a full 3 seconds before they get stuck behind a bunch of cars. And the ultimate victory when you drive pass them because they had to be an asshat.

People who can’t park or take up two spots.

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Guys who use WAY too much body spray. Don’t they say you’re only supposed to spray a cloud and walk into it? If people can smell you way out on the sidewalk before you even get to the room, it’s prob time to reevaluate your spraying technique.

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People who don’t put their carts away at the grocery store.

Anyone who has ever said, “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic/etc because my mom/dog/bff/boyfriend is ___________.”

Roommates who can’t seem to clean up their dishes and when they do wash them it is only the ones they need- only to put them back into the dirty pile.

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People who don’t turn off their high beams when driving towards or behind you.

The person who snatches the last one of the thing you were JUST about to buy. Then they look at you all #KanyeShrug

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When someone is “waiting on people” and take up a whole table in a busy restaurant or a whole row in the opening night of Star Wars.