As We Go On,We Remember…

You do nothing but talk about how great things were in the 90’s and how there will never be another decade like it. You can’t help but think your age group is superior to others, because it is. You know the 90’s decade was a fundamental piece in our history. You’ll never stop living in the 90’s because, why in the hell would you? Enjoy the nostalgia.

1. At one point, you were the proud owner of a bean bag chair. Or two. You may have even had some blowup furniture from Spencer’s (looked killer under a black light).

2. You probably had a blue, purple, green, or red transparent cordless phone. Mine was purple- green was sold out.

3. You still remember watching VHS tapes and the struggle of rewinding them. Blockbuster was a regular pit stop on your way home from school on Fridays. Also it was always a great night out walking up and down the aisles looking for something new to watch- only to get the same old movies you watched 100 different times.

4. You easily recall the sound of dial up internet and the hours it felt like trying to get online. Patiently waiting to hear, “you’ve got mail.”

5. Signing onto AIM was a daily regimen. Only so you could make a cool “away” status.

“if u WeRe hOmEwOrK, iD b doin U rite now ;)” Lord.

6. Britney was and is your hero and Queen. You still own all her albums as well, or at least you should. #teamBritney

7. You had the coolest collection of gel pens. They were absolutelyessential to your notes passed to your friends in class. Especially when you had a tablet full of black paper.

8. Your bedroom ceiling was decorated with glow in the dark stars and planets.

9. Pogs and slammers were life. I even had some from Ponderosa and Hillside Farm.

10. The Walkman was a staple piece in your outfit. I knew what clothing I could fit my CD player in or if I needed to grab my JanSport.

11. You’re still listening to Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20, Alanis Morisette, Jewel, Pearl Jam, The Verve, Goo Goo Dolls, etc. because 90’s music is the only music worth listening to.

12. Your favorite Christmas movies: Home Alone, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, The Nightmare Before Christmas, To Grandmother’s House We Go, Die Hard 2, and Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original).

13. Your favorite t.v. shows include (but are not limited to): The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Friends, Saved by the Bell, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Full House, Dawson’s Creek, Beverly Hills 90210, Clarissa Explains It All, and The Wonder Years.

If you were born in the late 80’s to early 90’s, you know you’re one of the lucky ones. There are a multitude of things that made the 90’s the best. And since Y2K didn’t wipe us out, may your mind live in this era forever.

My Thoughts: Tanning

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to the beach, or been in the sun at all for that matter this past summer. I work full-time and my legs are so pale that they’re actually reflective on the rare occasions I do go outside during the day. I often get the itch to look like I spend eight hours a day sun bathing, never burning, and becoming as close to a “bronzed beach babe” as I can get.

When one of my bests was having her bachelorette party I tried to catch up to everyone else’s normal skin tones. I haven’t tanned in close to 10 years because my infant like skin tone doesn’t really like the sun. But I know that we would be outside A LOT and since the last thing I wanted to worry about was the sun-I decided tan. While I don’t condone this at all I needed a quick fix.

When you’re enclosed in a human microwave, left with nothing but your thoughts and the smell of your burnt skin- things can get pretty weird.

How many bare bottoms have been here today?

 

“I wonder if they ACTUALLY cleaned the bed?” It’s always a question but it never seems to stop me from laying my bare body onto the potentially infected surface. It usually pops into my head as I begin to feel the puddle of sweat forming underneath me- to the point where I worry if I need another towel.

Ew, why is the bed still warm?

Something about a cold bed is more comforting than an uncomfortably warm reminder that you weren’t the only naked person to lay here in the last 5 minutes.

What if I got stuck in here?

Whenever this thought crosses my mind, I have to lift the bed a little bit to make sure it’ll still open and will let me out. I don’t want to be the girl from final destination.

How long have I been in here?

I know only the first verse of Shake It Off is still playing but 8 minutes has to have gone by? At this point I start to get a bit squirmy- I never understood how people could doze off. Could you imagine if the had to wake you?!

Is it weird that I like the way tanning salon’s smell?

My calves are literally burning. And there is def a mix of burning skin and coconut radiating from my room.

Can the woman at the desk hear me talking to myself?

Yes- she can. She can also see that you keep opening the lid (like a can of tuna) checking to see if your stuck.

What would happen if there were cameras in here?

Someone would be really entertained- even though that is 100% illegal.
Maybe MTV will do show about it….

I hope I put enough lotion on. Maybe I should get out and put on more!

No matter how much you think you used, you should always use more.
Somehow its better and you get more tan. I feel like it’s like marinade on chicken.

If I lay facing left for a minute then I’m going to have to lay facing right for a minute, right?

Tan symmetry.

Am I golden yet?

I’m a little less bronze goddess and a little more newborn baby pink but hey my little palm tree on my hip says that it’s working!

If I put my face closer to the bulbs will it tan faster?

NO! This theory is not a concept anyone should try.

I hope I don’t get that white line under my butt.

So I wiggle down a little bit to make sure my whole tush is tanned and toasty. Nothing like a burned booty to make you wish you had gone in the stand-up.

Who even invented Wink-Ease?

Eyewear for peasants

I love being tan!

I have to admit- it’s my clandestine lover.

I confess the depths of our relationship guiltily, in secrets. I know it can hurt me. I know our love may not end well. But I’m addicted. It feels so good I just keep coming back. Nothing can please me quite the same way. Nothing else knows just how to relax me, seduce me, slow me down. I feel so much prettier in the glow of our love. I radiate health. I look like I’ve just returned from a lazy sunny vacation.

BUT come summer, those of us who remain pale — by choice or by genetics — are going to be the lepers of the pool party. People will mock our pasty thighs and pink shoulders, and we’ll have to take it like adults because society still thinks we would be more beautiful if we sat in the sun until we were nice and golden-brown.